how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
