Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
