So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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