woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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