I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
