: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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