Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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