we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
