Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
