the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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