I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
