dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
