so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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