She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
