Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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