I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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