I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize