I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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