well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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