my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
