I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
