OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
