my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so let's talk penis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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