it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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