so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
