I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have tasted many bathrooms
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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