I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
