Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize