Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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