I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
