she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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