somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
