I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize