So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize