Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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