we have officially lost it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
