About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
