just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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