in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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