The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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