I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
