You made me cry and you don't even care
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
