I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
