hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
