My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
