I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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