Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
