I hope mine doesn't look like that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
