Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
