Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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