Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
