This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize