I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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