I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
