who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
