Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
