I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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