i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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