just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
