I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
