Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
