I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
