you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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