I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
