I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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