First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize